Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I am Lauren, tights are not pants enthusiast


"LET'S BE CLEAR
The wearing of tights as pants is an abomination.
TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.
sure in the context of sports, ballet, hair metal, and renaissance fairs, tights function as suitable leg coverings, but still they are not pants.
No. These are not activities that transform tights into pants; these are historically acceptable acts of PANTLESSNESS.
Tights as pants leave nothing to the imagination. Tights as pants are an affront to those of us who PREFER NOT TO KNOW the most intimate details of their neighbors' bodies.
Tights as pants are the fashion equivalent of Too Much Information. This gratuitous divulgence of assets repels where the tights-as-pants wearer presumably hopes to entice.
We have tired of tolerating attempts to force tights into this non-native garment category, and have decided to do something about it!"

I'm joining the movement.
Matters have gotten WAY out of hand and it's obvious something must be done. I was convinced the legging trend had died out at LEAST a year ago, but boy was I wrong. Things have only intensified. Not only are girls (of all shapes and sizes) still wearing these spandex ACCESSORIES under dresses, but faaaaar too many of these girls have somehow forgotten what an accessory actually is and have begun to wear the said accessory in lieu of pants! An accessory by definition is a subordinate or supplementary item. Tights are accessories and therefore ought to be worn in addition to something else (like pants....) is it really so difficult to grasp?

Yesterday, I found myself repeatedly disgraced and disturbed by the fashion choices of my peers. This says a lot, considering my relatively low expectations of girls my age. It was coooooold outside, and I saw at least 10 girls (I quit counting after reaching this ghastly number) prancing around with nothing but a layer of spandex suctioned to their legs. In that kind of weather, leggings ought to be worn in addition to pants, not instead!! I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. You don't see men walking around in their long johns, do you? So why in the world do these girls think it's acceptable to walk around in their under-garments?? I will never, ever understand.

Like I said, I'm officially joining the Tights Are Not Pants Movement. I will post flyers, preach, protest- whatever it takes to knock some sense (and class) into these girls.

2 comments:

Melinda Williams Moore said...

I am 100% with you on the tights are not pants philosophy. I blame The Lohan and her non-stop tights as pants wearing lifestyle.

Danielle said...

I totally agree...but I say this all the while looking at my husband who is prancing (yes, I said prancing) around our house in his long johns! Now..he did just take off the pants that were over them but he was prancing. :)